I was raised in the SDA Reform Church
To start, I wasn't raised in the SDA church, I was raised in the SDA Reform Church, which most Adventists probably aren’t familiar with. It is a smaller church that branched off the bigger SDA church around a hundred years ago.
A recent experience I had was this past summer when I went to a youth seminar. Some necessary background info is that in the “reform”, as those in the church call it, they adhere to a sort of distinction between the sexes in terms of clothing.
Women are not under any circumstances allowed to wear “men’s clothing” (pants were only allowed if absolutely necessary, for example, an issue of safety in the workplace) while men wearing “women’s clothing” wasn’t even within the realm of possibility (because, you know, gay people).
Well when I went to this seminar (which was in the south during the hottest time of the year) I didn’t bring many skirts or dresses because I just don’t own very many. I almost exclusively wear pants despite my parent’s rare remarks about wearing skirts more often.
On around the third or fourth day there, I had decided I was tired of dealing with the sweat and horrible chafing, so I decided to wear a pair of loose wide leg pants made of a light fabric so I wouldn’t sweat my ass off (these weren’t skinny ripped jeans or short athletic shorts as the rest of the story might have you believe).
During breakfast, this old lady who was a member of the church, not so discreetly came up to me and told me in a very concerned tone that some brothers and sisters had seen me and that I should change out of my pants immediately because they didn’t want the more sisters to see me.
Poor them right? Imagine the horror of a group of teenagers and young women seeing an 18 year old girl wear pants :((
Because I had no friends and no one to sort of egg me on or give me confidence, I caved and went to my room after breakfast and changed into a dress that I had already worn a day prior. I laugh about the interaction now because of how ridiculous and almost comedic it sounds, but in the moment it made me feel really shitty and almost humiliated.
Being forced to wear skirts and dresses for two weeks out of fear of another situation like that contributed to my horrible mental state at that time and I honestly continued to feel humiliated. Then, and my whole life really, I would constantly feel “othered” and as a kid I always thought it was unfair that boys got to wear pants and shorts while I was stuck wearing uncomfortable skirts.
I think the worst part of being in that seminar is just the fact that all the other young people and pastors genuinely thought that the ideas they were preaching were true and in the best interest of everyone, not just those within the church.
Note: You can hear this story and two more on S1 Bonus Episode 1 of the Haystacks & Hell Podcast.
