I Grew up in a Strict Immigrant SDA Household

I grew up in a strict immigrant SDA household. We spent the entire Saturday at church, Pathfinders on Sunday, and choir practice on Friday night.

Things started to get worse when I became a teenager. I was still being treated like a 5 year old. I became depressed when I realized that the other kids at school were gaining more independence and I was falling behind.

I wasn’t taught anything about sex, relationships, finances, driving, or setting boundaries. There was no advice or guidance about life. Prayer and church attendance was the answer to everything.

Also, the religion taught that we were in the “end times” and the world was ending soon, so don’t worry about the future. This was around 2000-2003 so I didn’t really have the internet or social media to seek out answers or advice.

My mom would read my diary, take my clothes away that she thought were too short, and generally just invade my privacy. My entire identity was based on what I couldn’t do. I got in trouble for normal things like going to the mall or leaving the church premises. I had to hide to date and have a boyfriend.

All of this caused me to have anxiety and depression. I was so stunted and infantilized by the time I graduated high school. I was discouraged from staying on campus or going out of state because it was too expensive.

My parents just wanted to keep me on a leash. My college years were wasted because of my upbringing. I cringe when I think back on how shy and scared I was of “being in the world.” This has had a negative impact on my self confidence, self esteem, and ability to make decisions.

I was not seen as an individual with my own opinions, thoughts or feelings. Just someone to control or boss around. It was tough but I managed to learn how to drive, buy a car, move out, buy a house, and travel the world. I was even able to have some success pursuing my talent in music.

However, I still feel like I will always be trying to catch up to my peers even though I am in my 30’s. Raising my self was exhausting and there are still things that I am learning.

I left the religion, so all of the rules and restrictions were for nothing.

Exercise, therapy, and medication has helped with the depression and anxiety. There are still feelings of anger and resentment over missing out on so much. I want to be able to heal from the religious trauma and psychological abuse.